Chapter Eighty-Nine: Lansel's Counterattack

On the next day, with no quests to tackle, the shut-in lounged about in the guild office, staring blankly up at the ceiling.

“Ah, what a lovely day,” Lancer sighed again in boredom. Unfortunately, that sentiment was about to be trampled beneath his own feet.

“Waaah... Master... I’m hungry...” The little glutton rolled back and forth on the sofa beside Lancer’s chair, plainly desperate.

“Honestly...” In order to continue slacking off in peace, Lancer had no choice but to bribe the girl in front of him with food. Though she was supposed to be his pet, he had long felt that she was the one truly on vacation here: a house, food, and Lancer himself running errands for her, while all she had to do was act cute whenever she felt like it. And him? Though he was officially on holiday too, Lancer was certain there was some plot behind it all. Whether it was the beastlike man he had met earlier, or the strange task that had led him to Tiane, everything reeked of something unnatural. He even suspected that the reason he had been brought into this digital world was to take Tiane away, and that all this “master” business was merely the other party’s way of being adorable.

“Finally, I can go back to spacing out...” Just as Lancer imagined that he would at last be able to loaf around properly, an uninvited guest knocked on his office door.

“Yo, Lancer.” After knocking twice, the other man pushed the door open and walked in.

“What brings you here? Shouldn’t you be quietly saving up money right now?” Kirito had more than once told Lancer that he wanted to buy a house and move out with Asuna. Although the two of them were classmates, it was still all men there, which Kirito naturally disliked. As for why Lancer seemed so at ease—why he wasn’t worried about Tiane’s secret being exposed? For an electronic songstress, if she did not want to be discovered in this virtual world, then no one could discover her.

“Of course I have business here. More than that, I’d like to know whether your guild has money to burn. You built such a huge place, and yet aside from your office and a few essential facilities like the meeting room, there isn’t even a place to live. How much does a church this big even cost?” He had begun by speaking of his own affairs, but halfway through he veered into complaints.

“Don’t ask me. Even I can’t live here. I have no intention of sleeping on a conference table or a sofa at night. As for the price of this church—do you really want to know?” A strange smile flickered across Lancer’s face at the end.

“...” Kirito calmly considered his savings for a moment, then wisely replied, “I’m not interested in the price.” With a helpless sigh, he went on, “This time I came because of my weapon.”

At that, Lancer straightened up a little.

“My weapon? Isn’t one Elucidator enough for you? Your weapon is better than my scythe, and you still aren’t satisfied?” Lancer even shook his head with feigned resignation, as though Kirito were beyond teaching.

“It’s enough, of course. After all, unless something unusual happens, a magic sword basically doesn’t disappear.” Hearing this, Lancer thought of the “kitchen knife” still sleeping in his backpack. “But there are special cases, after all. I was wondering whether I could make a similar weapon.”

After hearing Kirito’s explanation, Lancer agreed without hesitation.

“That’s easy. Thanks a lot!” Lancer immediately produced the kitchen knife. “How about this? It’s POH’s personal weapon—a spoil from when I used to farm the Laughing Coffin bunch.”

Lancer felt that the weapon was useless in his hands. Though it was also a short weapon, it was simply too unconventional. Better to give it away.

“POH’s?” Kirito took it without ceremony, gave it a few swings, then handed it back. “No good. I’m not used to this weapon.”

“Damn it, you’re so picky. I don’t know how many people would gladly trade their entire fortune for this thing, and you won’t even take it.” Lancer was completely speechless at this guy.

At the mention of an entire fortune, Kirito’s expression shifted slightly. Then he asked, “You mean I’d need my entire fortune to get it?”

Kirito had been hoping to get the thing first and then resell it for a house or something. But Lancer’s answer left him helpless.

“Of course! But I’m not unreasonable. I’ll give you a friend discount.” As he spoke, he seemed to shift into a more comfortable position.

“Gold...” Lancer rattled off a number of gold coins, then named countless materials and pieces of equipment, leaving Kirito staring in stunned disbelief.

“Are you Heathcliff? How do you know what’s in my backpack?” Kirito did not truly think Lancer was Heathcliff, but this was simply unbelievable.

“Sa~ I have my own channels, of course~ The only question is whether you’re willing.” At that angle, Kirito could not see Lancer at all, while Lancer, out of Kirito’s sight, quietly handed a bag of snacks to the smiling Tiane.

“All right, enough playing around. As for the weapon you need, I do have quite a few one-handed swords here, though at most they’re only rank A. One-handed swords are the mainstream weapons, after all, and all rank S weapons have already been distributed to guild members. If you need one, then leave the materials here.”

Lancer no longer teased him.

“Materials? How would I have materials? Aren’t materials usually supposed to be given to you?” At that, Kirito looked at Lancer, and Lancer very calmly produced a notebook titled Monster Allocation Treaty.

“You have to understand, materials still need to be processed. And every piece of equipment is handed over to you anyway, so don’t expect me to front the materials for you. Go farm them yourself~”

At that moment, in Kirito’s eyes, Lancer’s smile looked no different from that of a demon.

“Oh, right! I remember now. Once, when I was out walking with Asuna, I seem to have seen someone walking with a girl too. She was so beautiful I couldn’t help taking a picture.”

With that, he brought up an image from his backpack. It was a photo taken a few days earlier, when Lancer had gone to help Silica finish a certain quest and was on his way back.

“Well? How much discount will this get me?” Kirito looked utterly certain of victory.

“Twenty percent off!” Lancer could only grit his teeth.

“Fifty percent—” Kirito’s voice carried the air of one looking down upon all living things.

“Don’t force me! Careful, or we’ll go down together!” Lancer said, producing a crystal.

“She was so beautiful I couldn’t help taking a picture—” And with those words, Kirito froze in stone.

“You win, you bastard. Twenty percent off it is.” Kirito could only blame himself for having grown careless because victory seemed assured. Still, this was merely an unexpected windfall, so he did not press the matter further and agreed.

“A pleasure doing business—”

“Mm. A pleasure doing business.”

The two of them clasped hands like true brothers in arms, the only difference being the veins bulging at their temples and across their hands.

“Master is such a strange person,” Tiane sighed, sitting with her knees tucked up in front of Lancer’s desk. Then, without the slightest care, she poured the entire bag of chocolates into her mouth.

“So hungry!” the gluttonous girl continued to stare blankly into the distance.