Chapter 150: Chatting

"Where on earth can I go now?" Lancer muttered to himself after stepping outside, only to realize he had nowhere to go. If school dismissal time had arrived, he might have caught sight of some adorable anime girls—after all, jarring or discordant entities simply did not exist in the two-dimensional world, which meant his poor eyes wouldn't need constant resting.

However, at this hour, outside would likely be nothing more than a crowd of middle-aged women rushing to buy groceries.

"Ah, that's right!" Lancer suddenly remembered a certain place, a place where he had once suffered a bitter defeat.

***

Pulling open the weathered sliding door, Lancer stepped into the long-familiar establishment, and without a shred of reservation announced, "Boss, give me a bowl of your most authentic Mapo Tofu." With that, he casually found a seat and sat down.

"It's been a while, customer." Hearing Lancer's words, the boss turned around, and for a fleeting second, Lancer thought he caught a sharp, piercing flash in the boss's eyes.

"I must be seeing things. If I recall correctly, the boss is just an ordinary mortal," Lancer comforted himself.

"Indeed, the last time ended in failure, and now, a challenge ten years in the making!" As their gazes met, it felt as though something intense and violent collided between them, before both men tacitly turned their heads away.

"Very well, since you've already asked, I won't stand on ceremony." The boss reached beneath the counter and retrieved a strange-looking jar.

"This is the most authentic seasoning inherited from my teacher. Aside from that man, you are the first person to taste it." Having said that, the boss set to work.

"That man? You mean the Mapo priest, right?" Lancer once again recalled what Kariya had said during the previous Holy Grail War, though bizarre fantasies immediately flashed through his mind.

"Just eat your meal in peace, this weird stuff has nothing to do with me."

***

"Waa~ Exactly! This is the place!" Just as the boss placed the steaming plate of Mapo Tofu in front of Lancer, a spirited voice rang out from within the previously quiet little shop.

"Boss! Give me a serving too!" After shouting this, the newcomer very naturally found a seat and sat down. But when he raised his head, he suddenly found himself staring at Lancer, who was sitting in a pose reminiscent of a military commander.

"Aren't you..." The other person abruptly jumped to his feet and pointed accusingly at Lancer.

"Sit down. This is dining time." Lancer pushed up a pair of non-existent glasses.

***

"What a bunch of weirdos, just like that guy." Noticing Lancer's gesture, the newcomer muttered under his breath, though he didn't seem to care about hiding it at all—even an ordinary person would have been able to hear him.

"Who? That bespectacled fellow from yesterday?" Lancer fixed a resolute gaze upon the food before him, but because of its faint, menacing aura, he still hadn't figured out how to take the first bite, so he could only use conversation to distract himself.

"If you've already ordered it, why aren't you eating?" Lancer didn't know how to evaluate the fellow sitting across from him. Last time, the guy had clearly been a complete idiot, so why was he suddenly so sharp this time around?

"..." Regardless of whether the other person was genuinely an idiot or a natural-born black-belly, his original goal remained unchanged. Since that was the case, why not strike while the iron was hot?

With decisive movements, Lancer plunged his spoon directly into the magma-like Mapo Tofu, lowered his head, and began shoveling the food frantically into his mouth.

"Is it really that delicious?" Having never consumed such a dish before, the newcomer drew this erroneous conclusion from Lancer's actions. Although it looked terrifyingly spicy, seeing the person opposite him burying his face in the food and eating with gusto, he very calmly scooped up a spoonful and tasted it.

"You tricked me!" That was his final coherent thought before losing consciousness. He slowly slumped forward onto the table, and the last thing he saw before blacking out was a trace of dark satisfaction flashing across Lancer's eyes.

***

"You know, the food here really tastes amazing."

"Right? Right? I just love the flavor here! Boss, another bowl!"

Having recovered from his fainting spell, the young man regained consciousness just in time to hear the two of them chatting merrily.

"I'm really sorry for troubling you with the cleanup, though."

"Don't worry about it, I happen to know plenty of idiots like this one."

He suddenly felt as though both voices were terribly familiar, but his intuition warned him that if he sat up right now, he would undoubtedly be mocked from head to toe until he had not a shred of dignity left.

"Hey! You idiot, how long are you planning to keep playing dead? Do you want to make a spectacle of yourself for others to laugh at?" Right after that thought, he felt a heavy blow land squarely on his waist.

"That hurts! Dotou, you jerk!"

Watching the two of them spring up instantly like boiled prawns and immediately entangle with one another, Lancer couldn't help a few cold sweat drops rolling down his forehead... What kind of bizarre development was this? If they were a regular couple, Lancer would at most roll his eyes at silly lovers, but having a man standing well over six feet tall carrying strange weaponry tangled up with another bespectacled fellow who exuded a supreme boss aura was simply too surreal.

***

"Oh right! There's still a bystander over there!" Despite possessing the intellect of a fool, the guy was unexpectedly sensitive, and amidst their routine comedic bickering, he finally noticed the sole spectator in the room.

"Don't mind me, I'm just passing by." Accustomed to playing the straight man in comedic duos, Lancer ignored the fact that he had no business spectating here and continued watching the show.

Once their daily routine of antics came to an end, the three of them gathered around and resumed chatting over yet another helping of Mapo Tofu.

"Alright, since neither of you intends to throw punches, let's talk." Compared to the opposite pair, who were used to having their lives manipulated by some higher existence, Lancer was much more eager to unearth intelligence he didn't already possess. Although he trusted Renge, after hearing about that so-called rule, he felt he wasn't entirely safe either.

"I'm fine with whatever, though I am quite curious about our senior's identity." Seeing Lancer initiate the conversation, the two exchanged glances before Dotou pushed up his glasses and spoke.

"My identity? There's nothing special about it. I was just a lolicon back before Artoria became King of Arthur, and afterward, a plain knight who vanished amidst the King's path to conquest. Or rather, I can hardly even be called a knight." While waiting for his tofu, Lancer picked up a cup of plain water and took a sip.

"You can't even be called a knight? The relationship between you and King Arthur doesn't seem that simple," Dotou pushed his glasses up his nose once more and continued, "When that idiot went to look for you the other day, and you almost wiped him out right after, we saw it from a distance. King Arthur's expression didn't look right at all, did it?" He pushed his glasses again, and the flash of light reflecting off the lenses made Lancer feel a burning in his stomach.

"Should I complain that everyone who wears glasses turns out to be a boss? And do you honestly think I'm going to spill all my secrets to you? Even though we're sitting here sharing a meal, our identities are still those of opponents." Lancer let out a helpless shrug.

"Fair enough!" With that, the conversation temporarily lapsed.

"My turn to ask then. How on earth do you people manage to live like this?" Lancer straightened his previously slumped posture instantly, his entire body radiating an aura of intense pressure.