Chapter 12: Ever Present in Thought

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Chapter 12: Never Forgotten

“Jianjia, what kind of person do you think my second elder sister is?”

Yun Jiao did not answer Jianjia’s question. Instead, she clasped her hands behind her back, gazed at the sky, and asked one of her own.

“Second Miss?” Jianjia scratched her head, unsure why her mistress had suddenly brought this up, but she answered honestly. “As the legitimate daughter, Second Miss has an exalted status. She is gifted in both beauty and talent, lofty and proud, untouched by worldly dust. She looks down on those born of concubines…”

At that point, she abruptly raised a hand to cover her mouth, vexation flashing across her face. She could have slapped herself. How foolish she had been today—of all things, she had chosen the one subject that should not be mentioned. Why did she always poke precisely where her mistress was hurt?

She stole a worried glance at Yun Jiao, afraid she had upset her.

Unexpectedly, Yun Jiao did not mind in the least. She merely smiled and walked forward with her hands behind her back, murmuring softly, “That is true. Someone as ethereal as Second Sister would hardly find anyone worthy of her notice. It was only a portrait, after all. Why hang it in the room before the ink had even dried…”

Jianjia hurried after her, carrying the food box. “Miss, weren’t we speaking of Chen Huazhu? How did Second Miss come into it?”

“You tell me.” Yun Jiao turned back and gave her a gentle smile. “Walk faster. Grandmother is probably already hungry.”

“I truly cannot see what this has to do with Second Miss…” Jianjia muttered behind her, utterly baffled.

Yun Jiao lifted the curtain and entered. Inside, Nanny Li was struggling to carry an old washbasin out of the room. Half of it was filled with used washing water.

Looking at Nanny Li’s hair, already white with age, Yun Jiao sighed inwardly. Now that her grandmother had lost her senses, even her own granddaughter was treated in such a manner. As the only old servant in the Qian household who remained utterly loyal to her grandmother, Nanny Li’s life here must be exceedingly difficult.

Jianjia, ever quick to notice such things, promptly set the food box on the Eight Immortals table in the outer room and went forward to take the basin.

“Nanny Li, let me do that.”

When Nanny Li saw the two of them, she rubbed her rough, timeworn hands against her clothes, then curtsied to Yun Jiao. A trace of comfort appeared in her eyes.

“Miss, you have come.”

“Yes.” Yun Jiao nodded and walked farther inside. “Has Grandmother woken up?”

“She has. I just wiped her face, but her mind is still muddled. She does not recognize anyone.” Nanny Li followed her in.

“Has she eaten this morning?” Yun Jiao asked as she sat down beside the bed.

Nanny Li slowly shook her head and sighed.

Yun Jiao glanced at the small table beside the bed. Every bowl and dish was glazed in brown, rippling patterns, and every one held meat: roast lamb, braised mutton, duck in sauce, roast chicken—seven or eight dishes in all, without so much as a trace of vegetables.

Even a healthy person would not eat such greasy, heavily seasoned food first thing in the morning, let alone an elderly woman in her eighties who was suffering from a serious illness.

How could anyone eat this?

Whoever had arranged such meals had surely done so deliberately. Yet if anyone spoke of it, no fault could be found. To poor families outside, this abundance of meat would be a rare luxury, something they might not taste several times in an entire year. Was it not, after all, supposed to nourish the sick?

Yun Jiao said nothing. She simply added another pillow behind her grandmother and helped her sit halfway upright.

Her grandmother’s face was gaunt, her eyes cloudy, and her white hair hung loose and disordered. A tightness gathered in Yun Jiao’s chest.

All her life, Grandmother had borne sons and raised daughters, laboring without complaint. In her youth, she had been composed and capable, courageous and resourceful. Who could have imagined that, in her final years, she would end up living in such misery?

“Jianjia, bring in the bird’s-nest soup.”

Suppressing the ache in her heart, Yun Jiao reached out and smoothed the disordered strands at her grandmother’s temple.

“Coming.”

Jianjia entered with the bowl and handed it over.

“This… where did it come from?” Nanny Li asked anxiously. “Miss, you must not have spent money to buy it. If you anger Madam, that would be troublesome…”

“Nanny, do not worry. Brother Sheng gave it to me.” Yun Jiao smiled as she explained. She knew Nanny Li meant well and was afraid she might come into conflict with her second aunt.

“That is good, that is good. Brother Sheng is a good child.” Nanny Li wiped away a tear. “Miss is sensible. If the Old Madam were in her right mind, she would surely be comforted.”

Yun Jiao scooped up a spoonful of the bird’s-nest soup and touched it lightly to her lips. It was not hot.

She brought the spoon to Qian Old Madam’s mouth.

“Grandmother, come and have some breakfast.”

She had called her grandmother that since she was a child.

Qian Old Madam opened her mouth and swallowed a little, then turned her cloudy eyes toward Yun Jiao.

“Who are you? Why do you call me Grandmother? I do not know you.”

“Grandmother, I am Jiao’er!”

Yun Jiao felt helpless and heartsick. She had been there for several days, yet her grandmother remained just as muddled, without the slightest sign of improvement.

“Nonsense!” Qian Old Madam glared at her. “You are not my Jiao’er. My Jiao’er—my Jiao’er—she was only this tall!”

As she spoke, she raised a hand to indicate a child’s height.

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Yun Jiao’s heart clenched, and she nearly burst into tears. That had been her height when she left her grandmother all those years ago. She had never imagined that, even after falling so gravely ill, her grandmother would still remember it.

“All right, all right. I am not Jiao’er.” Yun Jiao humored her, then raised the spoon again. “Shall we eat breakfast first?”

“Where is my Jiao’er? Hurry and go see Yun Jiao!” Qian Old Madam suddenly shoved away the bowl and spoon before her and struggled to sit up, attempting to climb out of bed. “Do not let her drink my medicine! Nanny Li, hurry and stop her!”

Yun Jiao quickly set down the bowl and reached out to support Qian Old Madam, her eyes reddening despite herself.

Even though Grandmother’s illness had muddled her mind so completely, she still worried about Yun Jiao.

When Yun Jiao had been young and ignorant, she used to watch her grandmother drink that brown medicinal broth every day. It had looked so sweet and fragrant. Her grandmother always saved the best things for her, yet she never offered Yun Jiao even a taste of the medicine. Yun Jiao would watch it greedily each day and secretly imagine that it must taste wonderful. Otherwise, why would Grandmother be unwilling to spare her even a single sip?

The more she thought about it, the more she craved it. She was always looking for an opportunity to try some.

One day, while her grandmother was distracted, Yun Jiao finally got her wish. She took a small sip and found that it was indeed sweet—deliciously so. Once she had tasted it, she could not stop. Before long, she had drained the entire bowl.

What she did not know was that the medicine was meant to relieve her grandmother’s chest congestion and coughing, as well as to clear the lung qi. It contained a substantial amount of pinellia juice as its principal ingredient, along with several auxiliary herbs. Honey had been added to soothe the dryness, which was why the medicine tasted sweet.

Yun Jiao had been very young then. Less than half an hour after drinking the bowl, she began vomiting and suffering from severe diarrhea. Her mouth, tongue, and throat swelled, becoming painful and numb. She could neither speak nor taste anything. Frightened and miserable, she could not eat, nor could she sleep peacefully. She lay there in a daze, waking only to cry from the discomfort.

Her grandmother immediately sent for a physician, who prescribed medicine. She stayed by Yun Jiao’s side for three days and three nights without changing her clothes or leaving her bedside. In the end, the poison in the pinellia was neutralized, and Yun Jiao narrowly escaped with her life.

Looking back now, Yun Jiao knew that her grandmother must have been terrified. She still remembered how Grandmother had kept murmuring that, if anything happened to Jiao’er, she would have no way to answer to her youngest daughter.

After that day, Grandmother became even more cautious in caring for Yun Jiao. Perhaps that ordeal had left a lasting fear in her heart. That was why, even while lost in the haze of illness, she still could not forget it.

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End of Chapter