Chapter 64: The Alt Account

Whether a person can truly free oneself from a past sometimes depends on nothing more than a split-second decision.

As long as one clings to former joys and refuses to let go, that intimacy and attachment—which ought to have faded away—will ferment over time like wine, plunging a person into lifelong obsession.

Not only that, many things happen purely because of a single fleeting thought.

"If you push me away now, I can stop immediately."

The quilt was soft. Jiang Ying was pinned down on the bed, her face flushed from the kisses that had just ended.

Lu Zhixi braced his hands on either side of her face, his voice very soft. "If we continue, I won't hold back the way I did before."

He straightened up slightly, slowly taking off his shirt to give her time to refuse.

The contours of his sturdy muscles rippled, concealing formidable explosive power, and the gunshot wound on his right shoulder was startlingly vivid.

Over the years, Jiang Ying had grown accustomed to analyzing everything, using experience and knowledge to discern the essence of matters, and then finding the most appropriate solutions.

Yet right now, the gears of her mind turned sluggishly.

She gazed at the trace of tears on his face, her gaze slowly shifting to the old scar on his shoulder.

The moment she opened her mouth, however, what she said was: "Does the wound still hurt?"

Lu Zhixi's movements suddenly halted abruptly, and then he tossed his shirt aside casually.

He leaned forward, reaching out to cover her mouth with his hand.

The countdown was over.

The man's palm pressed against her lips, his slender fingers cupping her cheek tightly, leaving just enough room to breathe, yet denying her any further chance to speak.

Amidst a intense wave of dizziness, Jiang Ying felt Lu Zhixi wiping away her tears, while his low murmurs continuously echoed in her ears.

"You actually like this, don't you?"

......

"If this makes you happy, will you let me stay?"

Jiang Ying lifted her gaze, looking at him through the hazy blur of tears.

In the dim night, the unlit room made her vision hazy and distorted. That handsome and exquisite face seemed to overlap with the slightly naive one from her memories, yet he had already learned to wrap the intense and aggressive possessiveness in his eyes within a gentle and forbearing shell.

She opened her mouth to speak, but her lips were covered once again.

Lu Zhixi did not dare to hear her answer.

*

Jiang Ying was truly exhausted this time.

At first, she was rendered speechless because her mouth was covered; later, she was simply too tired to speak. She remembered that by the time Lu Zhixi carried her to take a bath, the sky was already turning the pale green of a crab shell, and when she finally woke up from sleep, it was already noon.

Her entire body was sunk into the soft pillows and quilt, the familiar scent of vetiver lingering at the tip of her nose, and the other side of the bed had already lost its warmth.

Her stomach felt hollow with hunger, but her mind was still groggy. Jiang Ying pushed back the quilt and got out of bed, immediately feeling her legs turn weak and limp. She had to sit back down on the edge of the bed to recover for a moment.

Her gaze landed on the felt puppy resting on the bedside table, and she froze abruptly.

The puppy's position was inconspicuous, hidden inside one of the drawers of the calendar box she had given him, but she was far too familiar with the appearance of that felt puppy. Even though just a tiny tip of its nose was peeking out from the small drawer, she recognized it instantly.

Wasn't this felt puppy one of the gifts she had mailed to her Weibo followers?

Jiang Ying quickly came to her senses, a mix of amusement and exasperation washing over her—he had been snooping again!

Lu Zhixi pushed open the bedroom door just in time to see her sitting on the edge of the bed in silence. He walked over, sat down beside her, and automatically began to massage her aching lower back.

"Are you hungry? I've made lunch."

Jiang Ying stared at him for a long moment. Seeing that he seemed to have regained his composure, she said, "I'm hungry."

Then, clutching her lower abdomen, she added, "But it feels like there's still something in here."

Lu Zhixi silently reached out to massage her stomach, saying softly, "I'm sorry."

"Which thing are you apologizing for?"

"All of it... everything." Lu Zhixi lowered his gaze to look at her.

Jiang Ying did not speak.

This brief silence made Lu Zhixi's chest feel heavy and tight. "Let's eat first."

"I haven't washed up yet."

Lu Zhixi let go of her and followed her into the bathroom, leaning against the doorway like a guard dog waiting patiently.

While brushing her teeth, Jiang Ying looked at Lu Zhixi standing by the door through the mirror, her voice muffled: "Do you feel a little better now?"

Detecting the concern in her voice, Lu Zhixi asked somewhat uncertainly, "Aren't you angry?"

"I'm not angry," Jiang Ying answered honestly.

Although she wasn't a professional psychologist, during her years of studying and conducting research, she had encountered countless case studies and was exceptionally observant of human emotions. Moreover, even after all these years, she still understood every look and gesture of Lu Zhixi quite well.

She had entertained many guesses during this time, but she still wanted to hear Lu Zhixi say it himself.

Jiang Ying put her toothbrush and cup back in their places, washed her face, and walked up to Lu Zhixi. "I was just a little surprised. For so long, have you been blaming me in your heart?"

Lu Zhixi remained silent for a moment before speaking. "I didn't truly want to blame you or vent my anger on you; I have no right to do that. I just..."

"You just wanted some comfort."

Last night, when Lu Zhixi spoke to her with apparent calmness about his anger, resentment, and loneliness, those beautiful eyes had been filled with a grievance that begged to be comforted.

She had seen it clearly.

True to form, Lu Zhixi fell silent.

"Let's hug."

She stood on tiptoe and opened her arms to him.

Lu Zhixi paused for a moment before pulling her into a tight embrace.

The fierce anger and hollow loneliness completely crumbled at this moment, turning into an aching sense of grievance.

"For so many years, you never thought of me," he said, his eyes turning red again.

"Who says so?" Jiang Ying said with a smile.

Lu Zhixi started and straightened up slightly. "Really?"

"Really, I did think of you." She didn't hide it, but decided to tease him a little: "I won't tell you now, though. We'll talk after we eat."

That thorough outburst of catharsis from the previous night seemed to tear away the final barrier between them, thoroughly dispelling the aloof and polite atmosphere at last.

They sat down at the dining table in a relaxed manner, discussing the trivialities of the past few years for the very first time.

Jiang Ying told him about her first year arriving in the United States, when she broke down and cried bitterly on the night before finals week because she couldn't adapt to the environment and the pace of classes. She also mentioned the awkward experience of serving as a teaching assistant at Harvard for the first time, answering students' questions while desperately trying to appear calm on the outside while being terrified on the inside that she would give the wrong answer and be questioned by the students.

In her seemingly glamorous life, viewed under a magnifying glass, it was actually filled with numerous tiny bumps and setbacks—there were times of joy, and times of depression.

And Lu Zhixi shared his life as well.

Back then, after skipping half a semester's worth of classes to chase after her, he returned to school only to be buried under a mountain of work. Yet, because he was too miserable to sleep at all, he ended up studying the accumulated coursework day and night. Shortly after graduating and entering the corporate firm, because he was young, many senior executives and external shareholders tried to trick him during major decision-making processes. Rectifications, establishing authority, changing management teams, handling public relations—troubles came one after another. Every time a busy spell ended, he would wander the streets of Boston.

"Actually, the winter the year I left Beijing, I went skiing at the resort we just visited. I stayed there for five days, on the steepest trails."

Lu Zhixi recounted this past event to her in a flat tone.

He had originally planned to stay there for seven days, but an accident happened on the fifth day. While making a turn on the double-black-diamond run, he fell because the snow surface was covered with a thin layer of ice, and he slid straight into the untamed wilderness.

No one else on the ski slope at the time noticed the accident. Unable to move due to excruciating pain, he lay right there in the freezing snow and ice, looking up at the blinding sunlight in the sky as countless thoughts flashed through his mind.

His mother had already returned to France to settle down with a massive fortune; his grandfather was still managing the group; and Jiang Ying did not want him to intrude upon her life.

It seemed that if his life were to continue forward, it would amount to nothing more than dutifully studying, graduating, and working in the conglomerate until old age.

Enduring decades just to end up in a coffin seemed no different from ending up in a coffin right now.

When this thought crossed his mind, his heart became exceptionally peaceful.

He didn't call for help; he simply lay there, letting the pain and cold engulf him.

Right before his consciousness gradually faded, Lu Zhixi suddenly thought: How wonderful it would be if he could just take one more look at Jiang Ying.

With his only movable left hand, he finally managed to retrieve his phone and dialed for help.

Jiang Ying listened in a daze, and then recalled the embrace she had shared with him in the ski resort that day.

She suddenly burrowed into Lu Zhixi's arms.

"Are you feeling heartache for me?" he said with a smile.

"Mhm," Jiang Ying responded softly.

"Then can you tell me now when you would think of me?"

Lu Zhixi unhesitatingly took advantage of her current sympathy.

Jiang Ying answered honestly, "When winter comes to Boston and everything loses its color, I would think of you."

She assumed Lu Zhixi would be displeased upon hearing this. Although they had agreed to live their separate lives initially, compared to Lu Zhixi's persistence over the years, she had indeed been moving forward.

To her surprise, upon hearing this, Lu Zhixi countered, "Then how many times in total did you think of me?"

"I didn't count," Jiang Ying replied, blank for a second.

He smiled faintly, "You spent four winters in Boston, but you don't remember how many times you thought of me, which means the count is too numerous to remember."

Lu Zhixi had not genuinely intended to conceal his thoughts of these past years, yet he worried that speaking them aloud would cause Jiang Ying to push him far away once more. Thus, when he invited her to his apartment, he had prepared himself for the worst-case scenario, such as waiting a few more years.

Jiang Ying's attitude left him both surprised and delighted; not only did she feel heartache for him, but she had also consistently thought of him over the years.

Yet Lu Zhixi's good mood was soon completely shattered by a relentless stream of work calls.

He had stayed in Boston for too long; the shareholders' meeting was imminent, and there were several internal business operational meetings in New York that required his physical presence, with the most urgent one temporarily scheduled for tomorrow morning.

Emily urged him repeatedly over the phone, advising him that it would be best for him to set off and return tonight.

When dropping Jiang Ying off at her home, Lu Zhixi said to her, "I'm not in a rush for your answer; I can wait a long time. You don't need to rush to give me an answer either. During this time, you can summon me or dismiss me as you please."